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Archive for the tag “Acceptance”

The one thing I will never have control over…

I’ll admit, I hate not having the ability to be in control; mostly about situations within my own life…

Being in control gives me comfort, reassurance and security of knowing if I want to change something I can.

I am aware that no, I cannot always be in control of every situation. I just said I liked to be. Who doesn’t!? Especially if and when it involves your family, your life. There is one situation in particular that I realized I will never be in control of…

Summer’s Autism.

I can control how involved her family members and I are with her, I can control how involved I am with her Preschool, education, speech therapies, occupational therapies and therapies continued here at home. I can learn ways to help her cope with her emotions if and when she has a meltdown, I can help her to communicate using PECS, I can encourage her emerging verbal skills and practice various exercises in trying to build onto the progress she has made. I can secure a specifically trained autism service dog to aid her with navigation of this complex world. I can do a whole list of things that I feel will be beneficial to her and her progress. I always have and in fact, I’m sure I will continue to do so…

I cannot force her progress nor development. I cannot predict it and I cannot control it. I don’t know what she will be like a year from now, I don’t even know what she will be like in the next month…As a parent “the unknown” can be a scary thing…

How much will she talk? Will she be mainstreamed into public school? Will her service dog be the miracle we hope? Will she make friends? Will she feel different? Will she care? Will she ever have a boyfriend? Graduate? Will she ever leave home…The list is never-ending. I have always been the “planner,” now, I cannot plan anything because I never know what to expect. I try to keep my posts light-hearted and positive but sometimes you just need to be real.

Yes, I have these worries but will I drown myself in them? No, I can make the choice to be in control of my emotions. To accept Summer’s autism. To encourage, nurture and guide Summer with confidence. I will show my daughter that she is amazing, she is important and that she matters.

It has all been a learning process for me as well, it was a struggle at first for me to take “life’s road map,” crumble it up, and toss it out the window…My tour guide and I have made it this far without it and we will all be just fine. My mom always told me that she believed one of “life’s lessons” I am meant to learn is patience. I sure am gaining a lot of that along this journey.

It may not happen overnight but gradually I will learn to accept that there may be detours, there may be potholes and we may even get lost at times. However, we are in this together, this may not be the life we expected to live but it is the life we are meant to live. We will certainly make the best out of our unmapped journey together and without a doubt, enjoy the ride…

~Kelly Kristine

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